


Hope for the Hopeless

by morganskye



Series: Hurting and Healing [2]
Category: Ghostbusters (Comics)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love Conquers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganskye/pseuds/morganskye
Summary: Time drags on for Egon. The emotional hell he lives in is made worse by Janine beginning to date. He's at the end of the line. There's no hope...is there?Please check the tags for warnings!
Relationships: Janine Melnitz/Egon Spengler
Series: Hurting and Healing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575880
Comments: 16
Kudos: 14





	Hope for the Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> For Jane+B. Sorry this took so long!

**November 1984**

“I...I don’t understand.”

“It was an emotional moment after a life-and-death situation. It had no meaning.”

“No  _ meaning _ ?? You have got to be kidding me!! Egon  _ please _ -”

“Janine. I’m truly sorry, but I don’t have feelings for you and I highly doubt I ever will. I thought it was best to let you know now.”

Her teeth clenched so hard her gums turned white. “Are you  **shitting** me??”

“...no?”

“So none of it meant anything to you? Not even-”

“No,” he said coldly, turning his back on her. “Anything that happened was because of your actions, not mine. In any less understanding workplace you would have been fired for sexual harassment. Now, if you value your job, please don’t bring it up again.”

Janine watched him walk up the stairs of the Firehouse and out of sight. She kept her cool until he disappeared, then pushed her heavy monitor off her desk, grinning as it smashed spectacularly. “BASTARD!!!!”

“So, um, I’m assuming that Janine’s resignation letter has something to do with all the yelling and smashed computer equipment?” Peter asked. “And could you at least look at me when I’m talking to you?”

Egon sighed and put his project down. “Yes it’s ‘my fault’ and you can take the replacement costs out of my pay.”

“I think the bigger question is why she felt the need to shove a pair of scissors through her keyboard.”

“Perhaps she had a bad day?”

“Or perhaps you’ve been leading her on for weeks and broke it off cold which pissed her off so hard she would have turned off the containment unit on us if it wasn’t already in pieces?”

“I was not leading her on. She made those choices herself.”

“ _ Riiiight _ .”

“Peter I don’t want to talk about it.”

“This isn’t something you can ignore.”

“Yes. It is.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Egon-”

“No Peter. Just...no.”

Venkman stood there as Egon went back to his work, effectively ending the conversation. 

“You’re making a big mistake Iggy,” he said as he walked away.

“I know,” he whispered in reply.

**May 1996**

Egon stared down at his latest project as it lay in pieces on his workbench. The sparks of forward thinking and intuition weren’t there. In fact over the past few years the number of times he felt ‘creative’ had declined rapidly. If it wasn’t for the constant threats to their lives and the well-being of the universe, he was fairly sure he wouldn’t have accomplished anything. Thinking was...well it was hard. Not hard as in difficult just...hard. All Egon wanted to do lately was sleep, which was surprising to everyone since the scientist prided himself on how little he needed (although no one aside from himself knew the real reason why for more than 24 hours). He acknowledged that he was quite obviously depressed, but there was a morbid delight in it. It was like a warm blanket of nothingness that made the outside world easier to ignore. Egon couldn’t bring himself to lift himself out because, at least to him, there wasn’t any reason to. His wife was out of reach and would be forever. His child that never got to take a breath was gone. The only thing that kept him moving forward was the Ghostbusters, but even that was starting to wear thin.

Kylie stood in the doorway to the lab and watched Egon contemplate his current project. She had come up to ask him about a history text she had borrowed from him and found him in an unusual state. He picked up a screwdriver, looked at it, then put it back down. This action repeated itself with different tools for several minutes. She sighed softly and went downstairs to the rec room where Ray was watching TV, book still in her hands.

“Hey there kiddo. Join me for some boob tube?”

“Sure…” she said, sitting down beside him but not really paying attention to what was on. 

“You ok?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah I’m fine. I’m just worried about Dr. Spengler.”

“How so?”

“Well he’s been up in the lab for hours and hasn’t done anything. He just keeps...sitting there.”

Ray nodded. “His brain needs a hard restart. I’ll take care of it.”

“Has this happened before?”

“Oh yeah...not often but...well...before it wasn’t often but actually it’s been happening a lot lately…”

“Why?”

“Dunno. Pete always just figured it was because of his big noggin. Too much goes on at once and he kind of overloads. Don’t worry, after some food and sleep he’ll be fine.”

Kylie nodded, but she didn’t quite feel like agreeing to her boss’ easy-going solution. 

Two days later she was heading from the 3rd floor to the 1st when she spotted Egon on the 2nd floor by the fire pole. She stepped back quickly so she could observe him. His posture was rigid and he had a tight grip on the Giga Meter in his right hand. Kylie could just barely hear Janine on the phone right below him. 

“Of course I remember you Roger...A date? I’d love to!...MOMA? I haven’t seen the newest exhibit yet so that sounds perfect.” 

She could hear the delight in Janine’s voice. Her eyes shot to Egon who was turning shades of red that didn’t exist in nature. The case around the Giga Meter audibly cracked as his hand clenched. 

“Giggling…” he hissed lowly. “She’s... _ giggling _ .”

“I can’t wait Roger…See you later. Bye!”

Kylie heard Janine hang up the phone. Egon seemed to relax by a few degrees, but he was still quite high strung from overhearing the conversation. When Kylie cleared her throat he nearly dropped the equipment he was holding. 

“Ms. Griffin. I didn’t see you there.”

“Forgive my bluntness but why don’t you just talk to her?”

Dr. Spengler’s eyes narrowed. “That would give her the wrong idea.”

“Wrong idea? You clearly have fee-”

“NO!” He cringed slightly, not meaning to yell. He cleared his throat before continuing at a normal volume. “No I don’t. I can’t so I won’t. Now please leave me to my work. This Giga Meter is damaged.”

“Gee I wonder how  _ that _ happened,” she muttered sarcastically as she walked away, but as the day progressed she thought about not just what he said, but how he said it. The tone was stuck in her mind and made her uneasy so she went to see Peter, who brushed her off. 

“Oh he’s fine. This happens every once in a while. Food, forced sleep, and time away will set him right.”

“Ray said the same thing but-”

“Trust me, he’s  _ fine _ ,” Peter cooed condescendingly. 

Kylie shook her head in frustration as she walked away. 

She kept observing Egon. Day after day he seemed to deflate inside as Janine’s relationship with Roger bloomed. Every phone call or flower delivery seemed to stab the scientist right in the heart. It was at complete odds to everything she knew about him. She  _ knew _ he loved Janine and that they’d been more than just coworkers at one point. She knew far more than even the other guys did, however she was never sure  _ how  _ she knew. Her memories felt like fading dreams not something she should rely on but…

**August 1996**

“Winston!! Help!!”

Kylie’s screams had the man running into the room in seconds to find her trying to pin Egon to the ground while the doctor hollered. A vial of something nasty had been knocked from his hands and whatever was in it was currently making a small hole in the floor. 

“What the hell??” 

“Get off me!!”

“Winston! Help!!”

The Ghostbuster hauled Egon to his feet, but kept a firm hold on his friend’s arms. 

“Someone explain NOW.”

“She should be fired!” “He tried to kill himself!” they yelled at the same time, and kept on yelling until Winston whistled shrilly to get them to quiet down. Egon glared, but there was a high blush on his cheeks. 

_ “Oh damn,” _ Winston thought. 

“Egon...buddy...what’s going on?”

“Nothing! I’m  **fine** . Please let me to my work.”

“No!” Kylie interrupted. “I’ve had enough! I’ve been watching you on a downward spiral and I’ve had enough! You need to pull your head out of your ass and  **_tell her_ ** !!”

As Egon blanched, Winston looked confused. 

“Tell who what?”

“I won’t! I  _ can’t _ ! Why can’t you understand?”

“Maybe if you’d talk to us we could help…”

“No one can help,” he said coldly. “I’m sick of...of...living this lie. Janine and I were married years ago and we had a child, or at least we would have if I hadn’t been blind and she hadn’t been so stubborn. I had to have her back. I needed her so badly so I-”

“He made a deal with me,” a voice hissed. 

All eyes went to the source. A black smoke-like creature was hovering in one corner of the room. The only color on it was two blood red eyes and a glowing amulet. 

“ _ You, _ ” Egon hissed, making the demon cackle. 

“Yes it’s me. You broke our deal dear Doctor Spengler. Now I come for your beloved’s soul.”

“No!” he yelled. “Take me! Leave her alone! PLEASE!!”

“That isn’t the deal we made. A life for a life, and now her life is mine.”

“ _ Please _ ,” he begged, lurching forward. He was stopped in his tracks by Kylie, who had a dark and dangerous look on her face. 

“Kylie?” Winston asked softly.

“I bind you Lempo, demon of love and fertility. I bind you in place and keep you from harming others!”

The smoke cloud hissed and rolled. “How did you know my name?!?”

“I bind you Lempo, demon of love and fertility!”

Turning slightly but not breaking eye contact with the demon she spoke.

“Where’s the gris gris bag?”

“The what?” Egon asked in confusion.

“The gris gris bag! Get. It.”

Winston, a little more on the ball at the moment, remembered where he’d seen it last and fetched it. He moved to hand it to Kylie, but she pointed at Egon.

“Throw it at the amulet.”

Egon did so without question. The demon, bound in place by Kylie, screamed in agony as the bag hit and smashed the amulet to bits. 

“You foul things! I’ll have my revenge!!” it cried as it faded from view. 

“That was...weird and fast. We sure it’s gone?” Winston asked. 

Before anyone could answer the sound of someone in heels running up the stairs echoed loudly. In seconds Janine burst into the lab and headed straight for Egon. She threw her arms around him and kissed him so soundly he was sure he was going to die from oxygen deprivation, but he didn’t care. With the strength of a man drowning, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held on tightly, lifting her slightly off the ground.

“Um...we should go…” Winston whispered. 

Kylie nodded energetically and slunk out of the room. 

**Later the Same Day**

“So kiddo, how did you suss it all out when the professionals didn’t?” Peter asked as he popped open a beer. 

“Well for starters I kept my mouth shut.”

“Huh?”

“By observing and not speaking or writing anything down I was able to keep my research in my head. The demon never wiped my mind because it didn’t know I knew anything.”

“Good move! Because there wasn’t a paper trail the demon never noticed you,” Ray agreed. “There are a number of instances like this. Wish I’d thought of it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up boss. You and the guys were probably the focus of Lempo. For all we know even thinking it would have been enough to reset time.”

“Is that how you got clued in?” Winston asked. “The time resetting I mean.”

“Kinda? It was like something I was supposed to remember but couldn’t, but the more it happened the more I could remember. Finding the tabloid copies helped too.”

“What tabloids?”

**March 1994**

Since the bookstore was fairly slow and she’d done everything she could think of doing, Kylie decided to grill Ray about her favorite guilty pleasure; Janine and Egon. Her boss was pretty used to her random Q&A sessions, and she always did them at the bookstore where others couldn’t overhear. 

“So has Dr. Spengler ever...you know?” Kylie asked, making a vague hand gesture. 

“Made a move? Nah.”

“Not even once?”

“Nope. There was a time we thought he was going to, right after Gozer, but things cooled down. I guess it was just the heat of the moment.” 

“Huh. Did the papers ever catch wind of it?”

Ray scratched his chin. “Yeah they had a thing or two printed about them, but it was all made up. Ticked Janine off royally because her mom was on her case about ‘settling down with that nice doctor’. Peter was glad for it since it knocked him and Dana off the front page. If you’re  _ that  _ interested in the nonsense I think I still have copies of them up in the attic.” 

Kylie cocked an eyebrow. “You not only bought tabloid trash but kept them?”

“You never know what’s useful until you need it,” he said, nodding to the stacks of books around them. 

“Point taken.”

Well after closing time Kylie went up into the attic. Knowing her curiosity wouldn’t let her sleep until she found the magazines, she went from box to box until she found what she was looking for. 

“Hmm...right time period...ah ha!” 

She pulled a stack of bundled magazines out of a box that was on the verge of falling apart. After cutting the twine off she flipped through them. 

“These headlines are awful. ‘Dana leaves Peter for an alien! Is she carrying its baby?!’. ‘Ray Stantz and ghost girl spotted on hot date!’.”

Kylie snorted and was about to put the magazine down when a small photo and title caught her eye. ‘Dr gets a Mrs in Vegas!!’ the line proclaimed as a shot showed Janine and Egon kissing in front of a pastor dressed as Elvis. She anxiously scanned the pages to find the article. There, in black and white, was a photo of Janine and Egon holding hands and smiling at each other in a way Kylie had never seen before. 

“ _ Last week in a small ceremony famed Ghostbuster Dr. Egon Spengler and secretary Janine Melnitz tied the knot in Las Vegas at the Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love Chapel. The joyous couple didn’t stop for questions, but this reporter was lucky enough to catch the bouquet! We wish them a lifetime of love and happiness. _ ”

It left her puzzled. Usually something like this would be over the top and clearly false but this? This seemed legit. Kylie dug through the pile more and found clippings from the New Yorker, The Times, and more all reporting on the wedding. For a moment she was tempted to ask Ray about it, but something made her hesitate. 

_ “If everyone is acting like it didn’t happen there has to be a reason.” _

Vowing to keep her eyes open and her mouth shut, she put everything back the way she found it with the exception of the articles about the wedding. Once she got home she put them in her fireproof safe and tried to think of a reason why everyone she knew was in denial about something that had undeniably happened. 

**Back to the Present**

“And that’s how I started putting the pieces together. I found Lempo in Tobins one day when looking for something else, and it clicked.”

“What about the gris gris bag?” Ray asked, making notes.

“Welllll that was kinda pure luck,” she grinned sheepishly.

All three guys looked at her. 

“Luck?” Peter asked.

“Well love was at the center of this whole thing, and we know the bag was given to Dr. Spenger for Janine so...I made an educated guess.”

Ray laughed and ruffled her hair. “Great job kiddo! Great job!”

“So now what?” she asked.

“Now we absolutely, positively do NOT go upstairs until they come down,” Peter said firmly. “There’s nothing worse than a pent-up nerd who finally gets to-”

“Peter!!”

The next morning Egon was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Outside rush hour traffic rumbled. He closed his eyes and sighed, bitterly wishing he was dead. Yesterday had been so wonderful. Janine had been his again. They’d made frantic love followed by the kind of slow worshiping cheap novels spend whole chapters on. He told her he loved her so much that she cried. With soft warm lips he kissed each tear away and promised never to leave her.

_ “So much for that. Back to hell,” _ he thought when a pale arm curled around his chest, causing him to freeze.

“Morning Egon,” Janine said softly, kissing his jaw. “Can we go to my place? I need a shower, and my bed is much bigger.”

He let out a long sigh of relief. “Soon. I have another idea.”

“Oh?” she asked, then giggled. “ _ Ooooh! _ ” 

**Author's Note:**

> I realize that this story is very short and to the point. I had trouble writing this for some reason, but I knew I needed to do it. Hopefully this soothes the burn from the first one. Btw the tabloids are (kinda) canon to the comics, as Egon mentions them to Dana during an investigation.


End file.
